January 2010
“it is the bravest thing in the world, to do what you want.”
– AYN RAND, the fountainhead
this is what today is.
christmasonthemoon:
a pink comb through black hair
I lay my life
next to his
in the snow
in the sand
(her silhouette
her star-kissed
shoulders;
and he’s folding magazine
pages into airplanes
I can’t wish upon)
these paper heart girls
he carries their tears
in his pocket
in a vial
of colored glass
his kisses stain
like rosepetals
sighing and wilting
in my cupped hands
april lulabee
“I TRY SO WHEN I DIE I WON’T HAVE TO ASK, WHY?”
– april lulabee
fantasy - mariah carey
today’s guilty...
The One You Wanted to Be Is the One You Are, Jean...
poetry365:
She saying, You don’t have to do anything
you don’t even have to be, you Only who are,
you nobody from nowhere,
without one sin or one good quality,
without one book, without one word,
without even a comb, you!
The one you wanted to be
in the one you are. Come play…
And he saying,
Look at me!
I don’t know how…
Their breath like a tree’s breath. Their silence
like a...
you'll never know how much I really love you.
9: 11pm April
the second
I just
wish we didn't start this until after we both had our own places and had settled in our lives for a bit
9: 11pm April
cause therein lies the greatest problem
9: 11pm Jj
do you think he would have been a nice guy if things had happened that way?
9: 11pm April
we were just impatient
yeah, or it wouldn't have been such a big deal if things didn't work out
9: 15pm Jj
ahhh, yeah patience...such an important thing that people never want to use because it feel like any magic or rush of feeling. i always think about how many silly things that became big problems
could have been avoided if i had a little patience
9: 16pm April
yeah
9: 18pm Jj
its sad when people get mean to each other, when they could be so much more.hopefully a little time and space will make him sorry?
9: 18pm April
I don't know
I wish I could just let him go
cause that's what he wants
and I do too
but what I wanted was such a more stronger feeling
and the difference is just past tense, I know, but it's always now
9: 24pm Jj
i wish i had some great warrior advice about how to let go, but like i said i'm no good myself. all i can offer is friendship, if you want some help, someone to talk to anytime when you are having a tough time with it
9: 24pm April
thanks
I wish he had someone to talk to
he won't talk to me about it and I can't blame him
I just make him feel even worse
9: 25pm Jj
he doesn't have anyone to talk to?
9: 26pm April
I don't think so
his friends are kind of selfish with him
they always look to him for inspiration or motivation
I'm sure it gets really exhausting
9: 28pm April
and I have no self control, it's the waiting that makes me awful it's like a slow festering that I can't heal and it's just a mess by the time he actually calls me on his way to work or some other thing that you can't really get into when you only have 10 minutes to talk to someone but he wont' talk to me any longer than that because of my little jabs, I'm just awful.
9: 30pm April
sometimes he makes me feel like I'll never be able to really love another person, because if you love someone, really love them, you can overlook their flaws and you accept them and you don't hold everything over their head or remind them of every other time they hurt you and I don't dothat with him and he makes me feel like I'll never be deserving of love because why would he keep doing the same things, why would he not do what he says he will do? is that love. it's not.
“you killed someone out in the woods, and i’ll never believe that you did it for...”
– LARKIN GRIMM (via 1970fur)
everything is terrible.
Elliot Poole: i kind of get pissed off when people expect things of me
April Lulabee: like
Elliot Poole: like, "DAMN LET ME DO WHAT I WANT"
Elliot Poole: like a toddler
April Lulabee: so you are not good with dependent people
Elliot Poole: not so much
Elliot Poole: just not relationship wise i think
Elliot Poole: although i havent tested it
April Lulabee: I infiltrate every aspect of someone's life
April Lulabee: at first it's out of curiousity
April Lulabee: cause I am showing interest in what they show interest in
April Lulabee: but then it becomes sort of evil
April Lulabee: maybe
Elliot Poole: april maybe
Elliot Poole: how does it become evil
April Lulabee: because it's like bill gates and apple
April Lulabee: learn everything you can
April Lulabee: and then use it against them if they say you can't have it
Elliot Poole: lol that is evil
April Lulabee: "but why wouldn't you want to go to the movies with me?"
April Lulabee: "you gotta paint your little wrestling figurines?"
April Lulabee: "what if I get raped?"
Elliot Poole: rofl
April Lulabee: "what if someone tries to steal me?"
Elliot Poole: youre kind of mean too
Elliot Poole: let the man have his wrestling figurines, jesus
April Lulabee: "I'll be sure to tell the rapist all about it."
Elliot Poole: lol
Elliot Poole: thats a line worth saving
Elliot Poole: "I'll be sure to tell the rapist all about it!"
April Lulabee: see? I'm a handful maybe
Elliot Poole: april maybe
I'm really the more 'suffer in silence' type.
April Lulabee: I am watching twilight
April Lulabee: I think I am about to get my period
Elliot: ahaha
April Lulabee: (blush)
Elliot: WATCH OUT FOR VAMPIRES
Elliot: period blood is the sweetest blood of all
Elliot: -stephanie meyers
April Lulabee: :|
I saw you crawl out of the rabbit hole in my...
1970fur:
dear burrs, […] but her braid has tightened in my pants, and now I know wind might not ever be solid. […] The public library is full of thieves who will not pay for how the earth reads their bodies back each day […] Can you help? I would, of course, send you a burning owl, removing it from the chest of the woman you had inverted.
from “Births Incurred/your recently...
“if we have no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other”
– MOTHER THERESA
Sliver, Sheila Cowing
poetry365:
In the dark, she shivers in his arms,
hurt, wild—like that great bird
that crashed through the living room window
last Christmas—droppings, slivers
the whole way into the kitchen.
He’d cradled it wearing gardening gloves,
it only shuddered. Now, nothing he says
quiets her, stops her asking:
am i pretty? am i smart? am i all
you dreamed of? as though she doesn’t know,
as...
I want to live in my own place again and paint the bathroom teal and the bedroom pink and have a little orange cat and the windows will have white lace curtains cheap poor man’s stained glass and mismatched dishes and silverware and there’ll be a tent with pretty lights and a bed with warm blankets and squishy pillows but before all that happens you can move here and then we will move...
hey sandy - polaris (theme song from ‘the...
“You’re hoping you’re wrong. And everytime he does something that...”
– IRIS, The Holiday
