trance doll | pictureplane

here’s an awesome song the second guy I ever fucked made. it’s strange to think about sex and not feel a certain revulsion thinking about your mental list of people that never felt anything about you. not even once. not even a little. …There’s always that moment
with people, right?
You look back…
you can’t believe
how they just
don’t love you.
And how,
in the minute before that,
you didn’t know.
but I always knew
I just wanted to be humbled
by being wrong
just once
instead I let my skin stay this soft and smooth
when it should hurt them when they touch it
it should cut their fingers and poison them
it should hurt them
as much as it will hurt me
and that question that burrows itself deep into my brain
like a tick
For a long time,
I didn’t know what to say.
And of course I didn’t want to say it.
When everything depends—has always
depended on acting like nothing is wrong.
why
when you knew
the whole time
you knew
and you could have stopped it
you should have stopped it.
especially if you were just going to regret it
such waste
I say this all to myself.